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Trailside Terror: Trapped in my parka and can't get out!


Blake G

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Have you ever experienced the claustrophobic panic of being trapped inside your clothing?

 

A few weeks back, on a lovely Cochrane winter's day, I stopped at a remote intersection, to enjoy the view and check my phone. I shut off the machine, stepped away, and removed my helmet. Suddenly I realized the zipper was seized on my parka. Crap. It was done up, right to the top. I tried looking in the sled mirror to see why the zipper was stuck....but my glasses were inside my shirt pocket, so everything was blurry. I started to freak out. All the mirror could tell me was that my eyes were bulging out of their sockets. I tried to wiggle the zipper, to no avail. I pulled harder. No good. I lifted up on the collar and tried to pull my head out the bottom. Not a chance. The Klim material wouldn't give an inch. If I'd been wearing a super cheap parka, I'd have ripped it to shreds. I was becoming more alarmed by the second, even though I knew the situation was ridiculous. I tried to calm myself by thinking happy thoughts. It was a struggle.

 

The stuck zipper hadn't been bothering me before I stopped, so I decided the best way to calm down might be to put my helmet back on, and resume riding. It kind of worked. I set a good pace toward Cochrane, trying to convince myself that I was enjoying the ride, and trying to disregard the noose around my neck. Between the waves of alternating enjoyment and panic, I considered possible options for getting out of my coat. Go to the motel office to see if they might have some sharp shears? Maybe a sled dealer, or automotive shop? O.P.P. detachment? Hospital? I was a little desperate and irrational. I rode straight to the motel, saw a fellow changing a belt on his Arctic Cat, and hoped he might be the man to save the day. I was off the sled before it stopped moving, told the fellow I was freaking out, and asked him if he could help me get the hell out of my coat. He freed me in five seconds.

 

Half an hour later I was packed, checked out, loaded up, and southbound.

 

As I hit the road, I instantly regained my composure, and pulled into Terry's Steak House. "Remember me?" I said, "from last winter?"

 

"Oh yes," she said. "Coconut cream pie to go. One, or two?"

 

"One's good. I'm on a diet."

 

 

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I've never had it that bad, but a stuck zipper can be very frustrating.  Funny story, but not at the time, I imagine.

 

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My zipper frustration was undoing the zipper in the middle of nowhere. Then when it came time to do the zipper back up the two bottom edges of the zipper just didn't want to line up and mesh together to get it started. Panic is the thought of having to ride back with an open jacket in -15 temps.

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I have had this happen on my Klim Parka what I do is try turning the zipper as far to the side as possible and wiggle it back and forth. What happens is the underside coat material gets jammed into the head of the zipper causing it to jam up.

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6 hours ago, jeffgrah said:

I have had this happen on my Klim Parka what I do is try turning the zipper as far to the side as possible and wiggle it back and forth. What happens is the underside coat material gets jammed into the head of the zipper causing it to jam up.

 

Well I hope you've coped with the terror better than I did. I avoided the Klim parka for the rest of the season.

 

Yesterday I showed it who's boss, and took the f'n scissors to the offending flap.

 

 

Here's the zipper catching in the flap again:

 

2017-04-01 15.40.37.jpg

 

 

You can see the zipper's worn a crease in the flap:

 

2017-04-01 15.41.06.jpg

 

 

Me fix:

 

2017-04-01 15.42.04.jpg

 

 

Now I might trust it for next winter:

 

2017-04-01 15.41.26.jpg

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My zipper troubles where a little further south.

Finally decided to stop and relieve myself and could not get the dam zipper open.

I Dam near peed myself before I got the zipper open.

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Soupkids, All the clothing and zippers when snowmobiling can be quite a challenge; even when you do get the zipper open.

 

Under shorts, then long underwear, then a pair of jeans or baggy track pants, then the snowmobile pants........I figure about 5 inches, or so, of heavy clothing through which I have to negotiate a 3 and a quarter inch d*ck !   

I've never had a dry ride and my snowmobile suit smells like the 3rd floor at New Horizons nursing home.

People talk about yellow snow.  How do they do it ?   

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Condom catheter, and 3' of 3/8" fuel line. Never stop again.

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I wear track pants under the bib pants. Once you get the jacket open to water the horse the zipper on the bibs never seems to go low enough to be useful so the jacket comes off and the shoulder straps dropped. The zippers on the side of the legs are two way. Go down from the top or up from the bottom. Opening the leg zippers from the top down to access the pants pockets never works. The top of the zippers are lower than the pockets. You sometimes have to wonder who creates the patterns for this stuff. Could it be someone overseas who is physically proportioned differently.

 

Whenever I think I have it tough my wife reminds me of the challenges she faces when nature calls out on the trail.

 

You want a challenge. Never I repeat never book a flight on an eastern Asian airline. It would be easier getting into a pair of jeans two sizes too small than sitting in one of the seats.

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1 hour ago, 02Sled said:

You sometimes have to wonder who creates the patterns for this stuff. Could it be someone overseas who is physically proportioned differently.

 

 

It's easier to strip naked and go than to try to whiz trail-side fully clothed !   

 

(except for the laughing)

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1 hour ago, 02Sled said:

 

Whenever I think I have it tough my wife reminds me of the challenges she faces when nature calls out on the trail.

 

 

The gender argument and my urine soaked clothes pale in comparison to an incident I witnessed when sledding was in its infancy.  

 

We wore no helmet, they were not legislated then, and we all wore a one-piece suit with a hood.   Joe (we'll call him that for now) was caught short in a forested area on what has now become SCTrail 3.  He stopped close to a horizontal log, collected some pine needles for 'clean-up' and settled over the log to relieve himself. We occupied our time changing spark plugs, drive belts and bogie wheels because we had already gone 20 miles in the last 2 hours.  Relieved of his lower intestinal pressures, Joe employed his pine needles, lifted all his garments and, smiling, zipped up the one-piece. 

He pulled the old rip cord several times and his machine coughed to life, surrounding him in a blue cloud of smoke and, almost, drowning out the yelp we heard as Joe prepared himself for the ride by flipping the hood up over his head.  Thereinafter, Joe has always been referred to as Sh*tHead.  

Always check the back side of the log for your hood lest it become the resting place for your log. 

 

it was a long ride home for Joe and we all rode upwind.  

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In the modern snowmobile era you'll see plenty of evidence of Ski Whizzes. Trail Twisters are much less common.

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On 4/3/2017 at 8:16 PM, SlowTouringGuy said:

 

The gender argument and my urine soaked clothes pale in comparison to an incident I witnessed when sledding was in its infancy.  

 

We wore no helmet, they were not legislated then, and we all wore a one-piece suit with a hood.   Joe (we'll call him that for now) was caught short in a forested area on what has now become SCTrail 3.  He stopped close to a horizontal log, collected some pine needles for 'clean-up' and settled over the log to relieve himself. We occupied our time changing spark plugs, drive belts and bogie wheels because we had already gone 20 miles in the last 2 hours.  Relieved of his lower intestinal pressures, Joe employed his pine needles, lifted all his garments and, smiling, zipped up the one-piece. 

He pulled the old rip cord several times and his machine coughed to life, surrounding him in a blue cloud of smoke and, almost, drowning out the yelp we heard as Joe prepared himself for the ride by flipping the hood up over his head.  Thereinafter, Joe has always been referred to as Sh*tHead.  

Always check the back side of the log for your hood lest it become the resting place for your log. 

 

it was a long ride home for Joe and we all rode upwind.  

Never witnessed the hood but saw the after affects of not checking you rear bib after such mentioned GI pressures.

Was not pretty trust me, very very funny though.

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We saw a pair of socks trailside this year.

Lead sled stopped in wonder, I was parallel to the socks.

I couldn't stop laughing.

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This thread reminds me...

 

Just a note of caution if your belt breaks (pants not sled) and you decide to use tie-wraps through your belt loops to snug up your pants, DON'T put the tie-wraps through the two front loops on either side of the zipper unless you have a knife or side cutters handy.  Nuff said!

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6 minutes ago, Ultrafrozen said:

This thread reminds me...

 

Just a note of caution if your belt breaks (pants not sled) and you decide to use tie-wraps through your belt loops to snug up your pants, DON'T put the tie-wraps through the two front loops on either side of the zipper unless you have a knife or side cutters handy.  Nuff said!

 

:rotflmao:

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1 hour ago, Ultrafrozen said:

This thread reminds me...

 

Just a note of caution if your belt breaks (pants not sled) and you decide to use tie-wraps through your belt loops to snug up your pants, DON'T put the tie-wraps through the two front loops on either side of the zipper unless you have a knife or side cutters handy.  Nuff said!

Crap. That sounds like a real sh!thy situation.

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23 hours ago, manotickmike said:

Condom catheter, and 3' of 3/8" fuel line. Never stop again.

 

Direct the hose to your sliders ...lube when you get to a dry pavement stretch....really though, you guys don't have the two way zippers on your jackets? Bottom zipper goes up, top zipper comes down? Take your jacket (or pants if necessary) to a good taylor to install a new zipper. I forget what they are called, but the big ones used on hockey equipment goalie bags (or facsimile) work - great xyz I think)While you're at it, add a flap to expand the jacket sideways for those pie days.....

Hearing Blake's story, I'm liking my Absolute 0  BRP jacket more and more...

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On ‎2017‎-‎04‎-‎03 at 5:47 PM, SlowTouringGuy said:

Soupkids, All the clothing and zippers when snowmobiling can be quite a challenge; even when you do get the zipper open.

 

Under shorts, then long underwear, then a pair of jeans or baggy track pants, then the snowmobile pants........I figure about 5 inches, or so, of heavy clothing through which I have to negotiate a 3 and a quarter inch d*ck !   

I've never had a dry ride and my snowmobile suit smells like the 3rd floor at New Horizons nursing home.

People talk about yellow snow.  How do they do it ?   

 

You present a problem, I give you a solution.  The wife uses this on our longer sled trips.

 

Gogirl.png

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I left a pair of track pant's hanging in a tree between Lake St Peter And Bancroft 3 years ago,what a releaf.crap happens when you ride all day,

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23 hours ago, SlowTouringGuy said:

 

The gender argument and my urine soaked clothes pale in comparison to an incident I witnessed when sledding was in its infancy.  

 

We wore no helmet, they were not legislated then, and we all wore a one-piece suit with a hood.   Joe (we'll call him that for now) was caught short in a forested area on what has now become SCTrail 3.  He stopped close to a horizontal log, collected some pine needles for 'clean-up' and settled over the log to relieve himself. We occupied our time changing spark plugs, drive belts and bogie wheels because we had already gone 20 miles in the last 2 hours.  Relieved of his lower intestinal pressures, Joe employed his pine needles, lifted all his garments and, smiling, zipped up the one-piece. 

He pulled the old rip cord several times and his machine coughed to life, surrounding him in a blue cloud of smoke and, almost, drowning out the yelp we heard as Joe prepared himself for the ride by flipping the hood up over his head.  Thereinafter, Joe has always been referred to as Sh*tHead.  

Always check the back side of the log for your hood lest it become the resting place for your log. 

 

it was a long ride home for Joe and we all rode upwind.  

Yes i can remember out riding when one of the lady's in our group had to go.She had a one piece on with a hood,she got a hair wash with out shampoo when she put it back on.

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9 hours ago, Ultrafrozen said:

This thread reminds me...

 

Just a note of caution if your belt breaks (pants not sled) and you decide to use tie-wraps through your belt loops to snug up your pants, DON'T put the tie-wraps through the two front loops on either side of the zipper unless you have a knife or side cutters handy.  Nuff said!

 

PANIC  !!

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